When You Are The One Who Needs Shadow Work The Most

Being the one in the room who has no awareness of their own shadow means the shadow runs the room.

I have been her, most of us in this work have, if we're honest.

The field doesn't let you hide forever though. It keeps sending you the same situations, the same reactions, the same people until you stop pointing outwards and ask the only question that actually changes something: is this mine?

If you work with people's shadows, your own shadow is not optional maintenance, it is the work.

The Temple of Shadows cohort 1 & 2 are SOLD OUT.

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Sometimes we are shadow walkers, the ones who reflect and activate the shadows of others. Sometimes we are the shadow, bringing chaos, drama and suffering to ourselves and others, consciously and unconsciously.

I have been the shadow in the room and couldn't see it. This is the thing about blind spots, you are blind to them. Yet the field is always trying to show you, via other people, situations, and experiences what these are. I tell my constellations students: we are in a 24/7 constellation!  

For many though, it is easier to play the blame game and attack. I get it, wounds hurt. Seeing your shadow is like ripping off the band aid without anaesthetic. You have to feel it.

I have walked both, I have been the shadow reflection and I have sat across from someone's reaction to me and quietly decided they were the problem, their wound was showing, their projection was the issue. I have seen others do the same.

I told myself I was holding space. I was not holding space, I was hiding behind the language of shadow work and my ego so I didn't have to look at myself.

This is the part nobody talks about in practitioner circles, how easy it is to weaponise the framework. To become so fluent in shadow language that you can name everyone else's blind spots with precision while your own stays completely untouched. How easy it is to use others, therapists who agree with you, your “guru”, your bestie and the latest self help book, so your blind spots stay unseen. Nobody wins here. Healing is delayed yet again.

I have watched experienced practitioners do this. I have done it.

True shadow work is not throwing light at everyone else's darkness. It is the moment you stop, feel the discomfort of your own reaction, and finally admit to yourself: "this is mine," or more honestly, "I am the a**hole in this situation."

That question is harder than any ceremony I have ever sat in. And it is the one that actually changes something within you.

Love, Sharon x